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Need A Sub

Subversive needs a submersible

Need A Sub

Dear Barry,

How’s things?

I write to you with an exciting proposal

I’ve recently lost backing for a political project i was working on (it was v succesfull till i got the boot)

I want to take a break for a bit before deciding on what to do next. So was thinking you could buy me an Ohio Class nuclear powered submarine so I can cruise around under the ocean.

In return I will guarantee election as the head of state of any nation you choose.

Let me know as soon as possible.

Cheers

S Bannon (Soon to be Captain of the USS Bannonator)

Angry Tower

Angry Tower

Hi Barry,

As you may have noticed there is a lot of anger in the world these days. Many folks are worried about all the tension and outrage that is floating on the air.

I am not.

In fact I am very excited. Why you ask?

 Because I have after many years of intense research discovered the secret to harvesting  and converting atmospheric human emotion to electricity.

I can’t give away any secrets but basically I place my angry antenna somewhere high and it picks up all the bad vibes floating across the atmosphere.  It then runs from there to a set of re-chargable lithium batteries where it is stored till needed.

The angrier people are the quicker the quicker the batteries fill up.

Think of it, everytime you have a shouting match with a loved one, or a social media battle my angry antenna will pick it up and generate power. It could change the world.

Angry at Donald Trump? You’ve just helped a hospital run its lights for a week.  Angry at Hilary Clinton? Your rage has helped power a water well in the Sudan. Stubbed your toe? An cat orphanage in Argentina X Ray machine will work.

So what do i want from you? My invention works but I now need funds to buy Nikolai Tesla’s old lab at Wardencliffe, New York.

Here I will erect a three thousand foot tall tower to harvest the pissed off energy of New York City.

But the area it can pick up may even reach to Quebec — think of all the anger flowing from French Canadians made to speak English)

I think it’s only fitting that i should unveil to the world my discovery at such a hallowed place in suppressed innovation. And once they see it soon Angry Towers will be all over the world

I won’t lie, it will be expensive, 40 million dollars but it’s a small price to pay to change the world.

I know you will do what is right,

Best,

Montrose Patrick Ellen

Dolphins Speak!

Fish mammals want a word

Dolphins Speak!

Come back  To Us Barry. Come Back To Us Barry. 

Put Your Cares Down

And Come Back To Us Barry.

Ricitickitckitickitiki 

 

You Have an Hypnotic Courier Message

Illuminati Messaging System

Illuminati Messaging System

Dear Barry 

I hope this finds you well and that you are happier than the last time we met in Vegas.  Life for me is not so great at the moment, and I have returned to work as an Illuminati sex-slave. I’m all over the place. I have been re-programmed and am now called StarBright so please update my contact details. 

Are you still into dolphins? I’m not sure why I typed that. Apparently, I have been hypnotised, and a significant message for you is implanted into my brain. Next time we meet you just have to say the trigger phrase ‘Tell me the message from the Illuminati’. Once I’ve passed on the message, then run away as fast as you can because I believe they’ve also programmed me to operate as a level Theta assassin. I can’t be sure, because that's how good hypnosis works, but it is better to be safe than sorry. They've also sent the message by email but are worried it might get lost in your Spam folder because you are still using Gmail. 

Could you also return my Star Trek outfit when I see you? 

Lots of love

StarBright (née Perry)

Another Amazing Discovery

Pharaohs treasures in pizza shop

Another Amazing Discovery

Another Amazing Discovery Barry!

I have found the lost pyramids of Egypt (or perhaps even Atlantis?) disguised as a small takeaway shop in the city of Blackburn in the wilds of Northern England.

I think this is one of the major finds of the last thousand years and could change all we know about human history (and takeways)

I apologise for the quality of the picture.

I took it with my psychic mind camera (I invented it myself). Blackburn is quite far away from me so the image is a bit fuzzy unlike yesterdays of the lost continent of Atlantis, which is far closer to my home.

There could be untold treasure of gold and jewels inside so all i ask is the return train fare from Leicester to Blackburn and i’ll cut you in for a 40% share. Of course, all media rights belong to me.

What say you Barry? History is within our grasp.

Yours

Colonel Nigel Paperclip Bsc (Hons)