My name is Thorn. I'm the cop that proved that Soylent Green is made out of people. I'm also a big fan of your books but the recent instalment regarding your time travelling abilities made me question your authenticity. I felt embarrassed that I had mentioned your work to friends and even recommended one of your books to my book club. We meet on the 2nd Tuesday of every month, and I have been dreading turning up on the 10th because I am certain I will face ridicule.
In my desperation to prove that you and Chris are real and that you really can travel back in time and hang out with Hitler, I have watched every documentary ever made about the evil Nazi tyrant frame by freakin' frame using the pause button on my Tivo remote and thank God I finally found you!
Here is a screenshot from 'Hitler: The Architect of Doom' that first aired on The History Channel in 1997. It famously shows Hitler in a crowd in front of the Munich Feldherrenhalle waving his hat to cheer the outbreak of the Great War. What most historians have failed to notice is the man in the white hat with a dolphin attached to his back. But there you are Barry. You and Chris as clear as day. Proof not only that you and Chris exist but also that time travel is very fucking real.
Can't wait for Tuesday now.
All the best
Calling all agents of the Illuminati, assassins, mercenaries, bounty hunters and proprietors of PayPoint outlets - we have a CCTV image of Mr Barry Derbyshire taken this morning at a SPAR convenience store on the Croydon Road. We know it is him. Find him. Kill him. Then bring him to us so we can hang him on the wall of the office. You can keep Chris and eat him.
All the best
Peter is a small horse
Hope you are having a good day and the Illuminati haven't caught you yet. I'm a big fan of your books and have been following your plight with interest.
You see I was also asked to join the Illuminati and refused. At that time I was working on high-level USA/CIA government projects/plots the exact nature of which I can no longer remember. Or don't want to remember. I believe I was abducted and tortured and when I awoke the evil bastards had attached a unicorn to my back. At least I thought it was a unicorn. It turned out that my companion is a small white pony called Peter. The horn bit that made me believe he was a unicorn was, in fact, fake - put there as a joke to freak me out by my tormentors.
Since then I too have been on a quest to uncover the truth. Unfortunately, Peter has turned to drink and is a real hindrance, so I have put my search for answers on hold until Peter sorts his head out. I probably should have let him believe he was a unicorn.
I can, however, offer you some advice which may help you and Chris.
- Some people aren't real. Up to about 35% of the general population we encounter in our daily lives are actors.
- Roughly 5% of the above mentioned 35% are highly advanced AI robot/human hybrids and can run very fast and are very, very clever.
- I believe that up to 72% of what we see is a hologram and we have been born into a system that has nothing to do with reality and is, in fact, a form of slavery.
- Stay away from shops displaying the PayPoint sign. They are all traps, and most of the snacks on sale are dangerously out of date.
- The Nazis fled to America at the end of WWII and secretly took over the country with their friends the Communists - they're all in it together, Barry. Once the fascists, the commies, and the Illuminati joined forces that was it. GAME OVER for humanity. The world we live in now is an illusion, carefully constructed by the Illuminati to hide this fact and to keep themselves, and their totalitarian bum chums in charge. Just because they've done some good stuff like satellite TV and cheap burgers doesn't mean we should let them get away with it.
Do not fail Barry. Find them. Find the ones that did this to us and save the world.
Or is He a Double Agent or maybe even a False Flag Interrogation Dolphin?
Hope this finds you well.
You may think that you can escape the Illuminati with the help of Chris but can you trust him? Have you ever wondered why we attached a dolphin to your back using a very complicated and expensive surgical procedure? It's not an operation that you can have done by your pathetic NHS! Even if you could then the waiting lists for full body dolphin grafts would probably be ridiculous.
The truth is that Chris may or may not work for us, but you'll never be sure. If you don't believe us then google 'CIA/Illuminati dolphin brainwashing and interrogation techniques', and you'll find that we have used aquatic creatures to get into the minds of our victims for thousands of years. HaaHHaaa! In fact, the first recorded use of a false flag dolphin graft was when Marcus Crassus used one on Spartacus, and we all know what happened to him. If you don't then the movie version is on Netflix - it's historically incorrect but you'll get the gist.
Give it up Barry - turn yourself in and don't listen to Chris and his double/triple bluff about us using both of you to help us/them or you find the lost continent of Atlantis. We/you or all of us might not even be interested.
See you soon
Those That Control You
We Still Have Him
We have him. We have Barry. Thanks to our friends in law enforcement, who we own, we have him. We knew Barry wouldn't be able to resist using Alexa at some point to turn off his lights. Once his voice was isolated and triggered our systems we just had to get the NSA to pinpoint the location. HaHahhahhahha!.
Mr Derbyshire is now being held in one of our FUN HOUSE dark sites undergoing interrogation and reprogramming. HaHahhahhahha!
Ratio Imperium Quod Es