: Barry's Blog

Oh deary deary me my life is so hard


To be happy is all I want - why am I doing this?


Read an interesting story the other day when I was in Boston finalizing a deal to build a giant tea pot in the harbour. 

It was about a group of people, some from MIT and Harvard, who’ve come up with a foolproof way to win the lottery-the only catch being you need 600,000 dollars to invest. 

But they reckon they’ve won nearly 2 million dollars already.

 I’d say good luck to them, but from my own bitter personal experience I know that money only brings misery. 

A luxurious, wrapped in the finest furs, sipping 100 year old cognac while living in a house so high tech that the local yokels think it has been sent from the future and is inhabited by a time travelling chrononaut called 'Mr Barry' misery, but misery all the same.

Anyway have a read. 





Some People!

Found myself at the Mall picking up some new Bose sound docks after Big Dave said I’d bought inferior ones. 

After my purchases I had a look around the mall-there were lots of kids with excited looks on their faces taking in the amazing range of gear they had in Toys R Us.

It brought back memories of my own childhood-we weren’t poor but they wasn’t much money for holiday season gifts. But it made me determined to make my fortune and now I have, through hard work and a large pie flavored slice of luck I’m wealthier than I could ever imagine.


But what good money if it can’t bring others happiness? It’s just paper, or exclusive plastic or gold or shares in amazingly successful companies. 

So you know what I did? It was a stupid spur of the moment decision but I grabbed a store assistant and told her to announce over the tannoy that I’d buy every kid in the store a present as long as it was under 100 dollars.

She thought I was crazy till I showed her my wallet stuffed full of 50s! But it all went sour when she asked if I was a sex fiddler and then she said it was against the safety rules and they wouldn’t do it in case there was a riot! What is wrong with people these days??? I can’t even give my money away!!!


Giving goes a long way


I am rich. Filthy stinking rich. I have a beachfront home in Malibu, an apartment in New York and a country estate in England. I travel first class and dine in the finest restaurants. I appear to have everything but in reality I’m miserable. My life is shallow, empty, soulless, and lonely. I’ll explain more over the coming weeks but all you need to know for now is that I’m giving away my fortune. I can’t stand it anymore, its got to go. All you have to do is tell me how much you want and what you're going to do with it. I can’t guarantee I’ll give money to everyone, but if I think you deserve a share then I’ll help wherever I can.



They say money can’t buy you love and unfortunately I know this to be true.

It’s a lonely life at the top and sometimes I wish I had someone to share my shopping trips or vacations on gorgeous private islands. 

But I haven’t and I don’t think I ever will. I just never seem to meet the right girl. Just a successions of ‘Nearlys’. 

Maybe if my dream comes true and I give my fortune away then I’ll meet someone who takes me for who I am - a genius software engineer who was once wealthier beyond most people’s dreams. 

Sorry to be so personal but its times like this, Christmas, Hannakah, Eid, Diwali, Kwaanza and Festivus, that I feel the need for companionship and someone to snuggle with under the mistletoe, shalwar kameez, 7 candle thingymajig.

Look after your loves



obesity fix


Ironic really that that so many poor people are fat. I pondered this thought as I wandered through my newly acquired stately home in the beautiful Oxfordshire countryside. My interior designer, Roger, was working out how to get rid of some of the original features without upsetting the English Heritage people as we strolled around the vast interior. Roger isn’t fat and he’s quite rich too. Of course it wasn’t always this way. You only have to watch a BBC television costume drama to see that it used to be the other way around. Poor people were skinny in those days and the landed gentry were the fat ones. How times have changed. Nothing marks you out as a lazy pauper than a bit of obesity. I think it is down to bad diet and a lack of exercise. Africans aren’t fat and they don’t have much cash but they are out and about all day carrying buckets.