LOTTERY

big money misery

LOTTERY

Saw that Tuesday night’s jackpot euro lottery ticket-a fairly reasonable amount of $260 million dollars-went to one winner in England.

I say good luck to whoever has had the misfortune to strike it rich-it brings nothing but misery.

Look at me, nothing to keep me warm at night except the 100 dollar bills I throw on the fire.

No-one to love me except women who are more interested in the material things in life than the spiritual.

That’s why I’m giving it all away and when the last penny is gone I’ll become a hermit who lives in a house made of seashells far away from civilization.

So I say to whoever has won (their identity isn’t known yet) good luck, you’ll need it.

 

UPDATE LOTTERY

G*ddammit!

Turns out the mystery lottery winner is me!

I was going though my pockets and just found the ticket with the jackpot numbers on. I accidently bought it when I was buying a packet of cigarettes in the local costcutters the other day (something I usually get Ivan my butler to do but I’d given the day off to go to see to problems with his import export business).

I wondered why when I asked for a pack of ‘Lucky Strikes’ the server gave me a pack of Marlboro golds and a strange looking receipt-he thought I was asking for a ‘Lucky dip’ on the lottery!

Now I have another 260 million dollars to go on the millions I already have and don’t want. What will I do now?!!!!!

 

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

Thank G-d-it turns out i haven't won the lottery at all. The numbers had got smudged against the Faberge egg i always carry in my pocket. What a lucky escape, but i'm still left with the problem of getting rid of the rest of my millions. 

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