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An Easy to Understand Warning

Maybe this will get through even your boneheaded skull Barry

An Easy to Understand Warning

Barry,

Despite countless warnings you don't seem to have realised the gravity of your situation.

Many of us are for wiping you, and the memory of your existence, from the annals of history

But the illuminati is a kind organisation so we'd thought we'd present your hopeless current predicament in an easy to understand infographic. 

Have a look, study it and get back to us.

You know you can't win so the sooner you give up (any WH Smiths will be able to process your surrender) the better for you, us and all of humanity. 

Yours

The Illuminati

PART TWO OF THE BARRY CHRONICLES RELEASED!!

Further Instalment in the Most Important Book Series Ever Written.

PART TWO OF THE BARRY CHRONICLES RELEASED!!

Hello again my friends,

Events have been crazier than usual this week.

Chris, my talking dolphin companion from Atlantis and I are being relentlessly pursued by the forces of the iLLUMINATI and have been close to death on many, many occasions.

But I’ve found the time to update my adventures, The Barry Chronicles, with the next instalment, 'NEST OF THE iLLUMINATi'


AND from Feb 13th to Feb 17th it will be free to download to your device from the Amazon Kindle Store HERE             

Hurry, download, read it TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

The secret powers that run the world MUST be exposed!! Don’t let them run this PLANET for their own evil ends. RESIST!!

These may be the MOST IMPORTANT BOOKS EVER WRITTEN

Over & Out

Barry

Another Amazing Discovery

Pharaohs treasures in pizza shop

Another Amazing Discovery

Another Amazing Discovery Barry!

I have found the lost pyramids of Egypt (or perhaps even Atlantis?) disguised as a small takeaway shop in the city of Blackburn in the wilds of Northern England.

I think this is one of the major finds of the last thousand years and could change all we know about human history (and takeways)

I apologise for the quality of the picture.

I took it with my psychic mind camera (I invented it myself). Blackburn is quite far away from me so the image is a bit fuzzy unlike yesterdays of the lost continent of Atlantis, which is far closer to my home.

There could be untold treasure of gold and jewels inside so all i ask is the return train fare from Leicester to Blackburn and i’ll cut you in for a 40% share. Of course, all media rights belong to me.

What say you Barry? History is within our grasp.

Yours

Colonel Nigel Paperclip Bsc (Hons)

Expedition Needs Funding

I have discovered what thousands have failed to find

Expedition Needs Funding

Dear Barry,

Hope you are keeping safe while on the run from the Illuminati.

I am writing to you to ask your help, but I think what i am proposing will help you also.

As you know the Illuminati started millions of years ago on the lost continent of Atlantis. Their power still derives from the powerful energy crystals they they brought with them from that mysterious land.

It is said if you possess one these  Atlantean crystals no illuminati can harm you.

But I’m sure you must know all this being an educated man of taste and sophistication who has travelled this world and beyond.

I can now tell you that I have discovered the location of the lost continent of Atlantis. 

Yes, you read that right. I have found  Atlantis. An achievement that explorers, adventurers and at least 54 Discovery Channel prime time series' have failed to achieve.

And the best thing? It's not under miles of oceanic water or below billions of tons of rock. No,  the mysterious land that has held man in its spell for aeons is hiding in plain site as the Atlantis Fish Bar, Uppingham Rd, Leicester, England. The brazenness of it all!

My plan is this, infiltrate Atlantis, liberate the energy crystals and get one to you so the Illuminati will be off your back. I would of course keep all media rights. 

It's not going to be easy as well you know these Atlantean Illuminati types play for keeps. The danger will be intense. 

I need £2.50 so I can enter the continent for the lunchtime Fishcake & Chips special. I’d go later but my bus home stops running at 5PM and I think it doesn’t open till 5.30 at night.

Send the money as soon as possible and let me help end your life on the run.

Kindest regards,

Dr Nigel Paperclip Ba (Hons)

Airship Disaster!!

Party to give away my fortune goes wrong!

Airship Disaster!!

Happy New Year!!!

 It’s been a strange few days. I’ve been moving place to place on the run from Illuminati assassins. Many, many of you have been kind enough to help me out with a bed for the night and I’ve gladly made those people rich beyond their wildest dreams!

 A special shout out to you, Mike of Boulder, Colorado 80301, for teaching me how to smoke a bong while snow boarding backwards. What a crazy day! But you should really do something about that spot on your nose. I think it may be syphilis.

 But things went wrong on New Year’s Eve big style. I’d gotten my butler Ivan to sneak my personal airship, ‘The Barry Balloon’, into the United States so I could hold a lavish New Years party.

 I don’t know how he got it past customs or the US Air Force and when I asked him he just said in that grumpy Russian way he has, ‘I paid a lot of people, a lot of money’ Good! The less money I have, the happier I am!

 I’d invited some of the richest people in the world to the party and planned to give away a substantial part of my fortune — rich people love money especially when they don’t have to do anything for it, so I had high hopes that 2018 would get off to an awesome start.

 It was a disaster. The Illuminati had sneaked an assassin on board disguised as formula one champion and world fashion icon Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton pulled an enormous elephant gun from his sweatpants just as we got to the second chorus of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and I had to run for my life from the party to the airship’s cockpit.

 As I ran into the cockpit, with the Illuminati Hamilton bearing down on me like a Mclaran on a Ferrari, I tripped over Ivan my butler, and Hollywood great Angela Lansbury arm wrestling on the floor. I flew across the cockpit, slammed into the controls and we nosedived towards the flat Kansas Prairie, far, far below. Illuminati Hamilton, realising we were about to crash, turned into a ball of light and melted through the airships skin. It was perhaps the strangest thing I have ever witnessed.

 Worse was to come. We hit an isolated farm house and as the screams and cries of the great and the good filled the airship I realised we had crashed into a BitCoin mine! Hundreds of glistening BitCoins were pouring into the cockpit and I was now (unless the Chinese Communist Party decide to restrict their crypto-currency exchanges through upcoming legislation) more cashed up than I had ever been.

When will I ever be free?!!!!!