Articles tagged with: genius

I am Geoff, the Destroyer of Worlds

13 seconds to save the World

I am Geoff, the Destroyer of Worlds

Dear Barry

I am Geoff, the destroyer of worlds. Not sure if you remember me. I begged a big pile of cash from you back in 2011 to build a time machine so I could travel into the future. My plan was to mooch around a bit, check out how things turn out for the human race and then report back, hopefully with good news.

Well I am sorry to say that it is not good news, Barry, not good at all. I haven’t managed to build a time machine that will take me further than 13 seconds into the future. It works but obviously 13 seconds isn’t much time for me to get back and let the world know what is going to happen. In fact, it takes me a good 15 -20 minutes to get out of my contraption, have a shower and by then whatever I’ve discovered is all over Twitter anyway. 

I think it’s a power issue and the only solution would appear for me to build my own nuclear power facility - possibly 5 or 6 power stations all linked together to provide the necessary juice to get me far enough into the future to make a real difference.

I am close, Barry, so close. I’m also depressed and could do with a holiday.

Hope you can help

Kind regards

Geoff, the destroyer of worlds

CAT GENIUS

Help

CAT GENIUS

Dear Barry,

My cat, a 7 year old ginger tom named Horatio, told me last night that he had discovered the secret to cold fusion.

He was a bit vague about the details but began singing ‘Cocacabana’ by Barry Manilow and attempted to type in this website’s address on my iphone.

As you no doubt are aware the iphone’s screen isn’t very receptive to cat paws, so I need you to send funds for a laptop so he can begin his work.

I have included a drawing I made of the incident so you know that it is true. (he has big paws and is quite muscular so perhaps one of those rugged Panasonic laptops would be best)

Thanks Brandon