New instalment of Barry's Brave Battle With the illuminati out today
Hello,
I must be quick!
I’ve written another amazing instalment of the incredible experiences myself and Chris, a Dolphin Lord of Atlantis are going through. “Attack of The Future’
I know you may hard to believe that I can write when I’m in near constant danger, but Chris has been helping and Siri voice recognition is frankly amazing.
In ‘Attack of The Future’ you will learn more about my past and how I am tirelessly fighting to overcome the cruel, heartless overlords of the illuminati
one of you emailed me asking me why I never capitalize the ‘I’ in illuminati. I will reveal all later but suffice to say you should NEVER capitalize the 'I' in the ‘illuminati’.
Must go now, danger is everywhere.
Stay safe and remember to never to capitalise the ‘I’ when writing the word ‘illuminati’
Barry
on Monday, 19 February 2018.
Posted in Barry's Blog
Further Instalment in the Most Important Book Series Ever Written.
Hello again my friends,
Events have been crazier than usual this week.
Chris, my talking dolphin companion from Atlantis and I are being relentlessly pursued by the forces of the iLLUMINATI and have been close to death on many, many occasions.
I wake with a start. My head throbbing. Opening one eye slowly I realise I am lying face down in a pool of blood. I try to push myself up off the floor, but it feels like there is a dead weight on my shoulders. Raising my head as much as I can I blink my other eye open. Where am I? Who am I? Why have I got a dolphin……aaaghhhh! Now I am up. Punching and slapping the dolphin that appears to have been sewn onto my back. In a desperate attempt to remove the stinking aquatic mammal I spin around furiously tripping over a dead scientist and crashing into an operating table. “Barry! Barry! Fucking stop it or you’ll kill us both”
I must be hallucinating - the dolphin is talking to me. I stop dead still and close my eyes. I have some experience with drugs having once shared a rolled up cannabis joint with my roommate at MIT. I hated it but I learned that if you concentrated very very hard, you could turn off drugs like a light switch. I close my eyes and think of nice things like tea at Claridges and getting a back rub from my best friend and butler, Ivan. My reverie is broken by the dolphin whispering in my ear “wake up Barry we’ve got to go - they’re coming - move it move it."
I open my eyes and only now see the full horror of my surroundings. I'm in some kind of underground cave that has been turned into part science lab, part operating theatre, part sea world adventure playground. I’m tempted to have a quick go on the seahorse themed bouncy castle but survival instinct takes over, and I race for the door. Flinging it open reveals we’re actually inside an industrial warehouse. We rush to the next door and we are inside a giant aircraft hanger. Fuck me - this has to be the work of Those That Control Us. I head to the next door knowing full well what to expect - yes through this door, and we’re inside a cave. You’ve got to admire the Illuminati in a way. Classic. But wait what’s this? A chink of light in the cave wall! I run over to it and dive through head first. The dolphin screams, but we’re through - it’s just a curtain painstakingly embroidered to look like a cave.
We’re free.
"My name's Chris by the way," says my new dolphin appendage "run Barry run"
on Friday, 02 February 2018.
Posted in Barry's Blog
We have him. We have Barry. Thanks to our friends in law enforcement, who we own, we have him. We knew Barry wouldn't be able to resist using Alexa at some point to turn off his lights. Once his voice was isolated and triggered our systems we just had to get the NSA to pinpoint the location. HaHahhahhahha!.
Mr Derbyshire is now being held in one of our FUN HOUSE dark sites undergoing interrogation and reprogramming. HaHahhahhahha!
BEG BARRY 
